Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)

Not rated.  You're asking for a lot for me to determine if something has offensive content.  I mean, there's a shocking amount of dead bodies, especially in the first few minutes.  I'm not quite sure why they die.  One of them is an old man.  Then these bodies come back to life before turning into inanimate skeletons.  Tor Johnson looks kind of scary.  I suppose that's the most I can offer you.

DIRECTOR: Edward D. Wood, Jr.

One of my rules, post-college, was to stop hate-watching things.  Honestly, watching things ironically is now one of my buttons.  There's so much good stuff out there that makes me question why we should ever watch things because of failures to make something good.  Plan 9 from Outer Space was always one of those movies that I never really thought that I was going to watch.  I mean, it has such a reputation for awfulness that I feel like I didn't need to subject myself to that kind of stuff.  But I kept hearing that Ed Wood, the Tim Burton biopic, was the stuff of legends.  And, like when I was going to see The Disaster Artist and watched The Room, I felt like I should see the source material before watching the adaptation.

Can I have a hot take on this movie?  There are way worse movies out there.   Let's make this clear: Plan 9 from Outer Space is not good.  It's pretty bad.  But I don't think people realize how bad movies get.  This is from the B-movie era of film.  There are so many movies made that were made on shoestring budgets with the understanding that they would be schlock that Plan 9 from Outer Space almost comes across as functional.  Yeah, the scenes are often at a break-neck pace, often sacrificing basic functionality of narrative.  Yeah, the performances at times are rough and the sets are hilariously threadbare.  (Note: at the time of writing this, I'm only halfway through watching Ed Wood.  I hear that all of this gets addressed when they get to the Plan 9 stuff later in the movie.) Also, the story keeps getting lost on itself, depending mostly on visual promises that aren't really fulfilled.  But --and this goes a long way with me --it isn't long; it isn't terribly boring; it's got some okay visuals.  Normally, I would be savaging a film for only having those things.  But I'm almost more mad at audiences for offering this movie up to the bad cinema gods when there are way worse things out there.  I'm serious, guys.  There are things that are unwatchable.  There are things that even Mystery Science Theater can't save.  I know.  I've seen a lot of Mystery Science Theater.  I don't know what necessarily makes Plan 9 from Outer Space the poster child for bad movies.

That being said, it's bad.  I will say this for Plan 9 though.  It's almost a lesson in what it means to have amazing intentions and ambitions, but little skill.  I'm the kind of teacher who keeps repeating, "I'd take a million students who struggle and get mediocre grades over students who have natural talent but do no work."  Now, I don't know the reality of Ed Wood's life.  From what I've seen of the biopic, it seems pretty made up.  Was Ed Wood this passionate guy who loved making movies, but just lacked every instinct for filmmaking?  I don't know.  But Wood's got a message.  Now, I have to try to be a little bit objective here.  I tend to be sympathetic to the message of the movie involving disarmament, so I need to put my bias aside.  Plan 9 is almost a cautionary tale about what it means to make a political work.  It's why so many people are nervous amount making message movies.  Wood's got an atomic era standard political fear.  He's directly stating that mankind is entering an era that will ultimately end with its destruction.  That's something that should be said.  I mean, it was said over a bunch of movies, but I think we still haven't gotten the message.  

But the takeaway from a lot of people based on movies like Plan 9 is that we shouldn't make political movies.  It's not one side that agrees with this.  As Catholic as I am, I roll my eyes at Christian movies and, more often, Christian rock.  There is a way to do this.  Ed Wood isn't a technically talented director.  (I'll expand on this in a second.)  He's a guy who is shouting very loudly to anyone who will listen.  I don't know if that's a bad thing. But it also is a warning that shouting loudly often makes people want to plug their ears.  Honestly, I can't help but make a connection between Plan 9 from Outer Space and The Day the Earth Stood Still. The Day the Earth Stood Still is one of my favorite movies.  I'll probably forever love that movie.  I'm actually shocked that I haven't watched it in the past decade and that's a bit of a crime. But both movies could be chalked up to atomic era sci-fi warning Earth about its self-destructive nature.  But The Day the Earth Stood Still is still lauded as one of the greatest science fiction movies of all time.  It's about flying saucers and men from space warning people about the inevitable armageddon.

And I'll say this for The Day the Earth Stood Still.  It looks good.  But it doesn't look that good.  If I showed that movie to my kids, they probably wouldn't be able to make much of a distinction from Plan 9 to that movie.  I know.  That sounds blasphemous.  There's more to filmmaking than budget. Now, that's a little unfair.  A budget also means more time to shoot.  It means having sets that are complete and actors who aren't just there for street cred.  But quality goes a long with getting a message across.  It's not entirely Ed Wood's talent that is being blamed here.  This raises an interesting question:  Should Ed Wood have made Plan 9 from Outer Space something that has a message?  David Mamet in his Masterclass would absolutely rip Wood apart.  He's a guy who says that making movies political is a betrayal to the audience.  I find that funny because I think that Mamet is one of our more political writers, whether he means to be or not.  (The very nature of being apolitical is a political statement.) In the case of Plan 9, Wood has to maneuver a very threadbare story to get to the point of being a message movie.

The biggest critique I have of Plan 9 isn't the threadbare set or the inconsistent acting in the movie.  It's the fact that the movie doesn't have much to do for a lot of the movie.  Again, I oddly didn't find it boring and I didn't really find myself laughing at it but trying to enjoy it as a film. But Wood wants to get to the climax of the film, where the alien invaders call the Earth people stupid for their destructive tendencies. Maybe I'm overthinking it because Ed Wood probably free associated his way to an end of the movie.  But let's pretend that he wants to be this guy telling the world to stop killing itself.  He doesn't really have a story that would organically go there.  He's got Bela Lugosi, Vampira, and Tor Johnson.  He has visuals that he wants to include in his film. Cool.  I'll even say this: outside of the fact that the zombies do absolutely nothing productive in the film, they look kind of cool and iconic, especially Johnson and Vampira.  (Cue Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi shouting expletives about me right here.) This is a battle between "What would look cool" and "What the story needs".  That's a fundamental writing practice. Most often, a writer's favorite parts are the things that need to get cut.  This is barbecue sauce and oatmeal.  Both those things are awesome.  They don't belong together.

Do I find anything funny in the movie?  Yeah.  I wasn't watching it to laugh at it.  I do that in the context of Mystery Science Theater, but not just for crapping on a movie.  (I think the MST3K folks are funny and some movies are worthy of laughter.) But I do love the scenes in the airplane.  Oh my goodness.  There are two scenes where we see the pilots of an airplane.  Sure, the set is threadbare and I don't hate that. The background can pass as a plane.  The thing that gets me?  The lack of control sticks.  It's almost adorable seeing fully costumed gentlement pretend to be pilots and then have to mime something that should be easy to create.  That part got me.

I'm never going to say to like Plan 9 from Outer Space.  Yes, it's a bad movie.  But I oddly sympathize with Wood on this one.  If I'm meant to encourage passion, this is a passion project for someone.  It's got all of their favorite things in a movie and it definitely doesn't gel.  But is it the worst movie of all time?  No.  I don't think people understand how bad movies can get.  There are some things out there that are burdens to watch.  I almost didn't hate watching this.  In fact, it kept me mildly entertained the entire time.  That's more than I can say for Saw: The Final Chapter.