R, and mostly for things that are described in the title. You want me to be more explicit? There is drug use and strong violence. Also, there's some sexual references made along with a lot of language. If you want me to get really specific, not only does the bear do cocaine, so do some kids. Honestly, that's probably the most shocking thing in the movie. Lots of death; lots of cocaine. R.
DIRECTOR: Elizabeth Banks Listen, I want to get some conspiracy theories and headcanon out of my way. Normally, I stall for momentum like I'm doing with this specific sentence, but I want to talk about the opening of the movie. The Universal logo comes up and "Jane", by Jefferson Starship starts playing. Cool. It's a great song to establish the era and the entire coke-fueled vibe that the movie is going for. But do you know what else started that exact same way, minus the Universal logo? Wet Hot American Summer. Do you know who was in that independent movie years and years ago, putting her in the comedic spotlight? Elizabeth Banks. Now, I'm willing and eager to assume that this movie inspired her and it's tongue-in-cheek. After all, David Wain was a young director who was probably figuring out a lot of things while making Wet Hot American Summer. There's a good chance that Elizabeth Banks learned a lot of practical things about being a director while hanging out with David Wain on Wet Hot American Summer. Sure, she's directed other movies. But I can't imagine but helped there was a little bit of inspiration out there in the ether, encouraging to revisit that moment fondly. Okay, now to the normal blog. You all overhyped this movie, okay? I can't say that I'm immune to the allure of ironic movies. I mean, I've seen them. My buddies and I went to a late show of Snakes on a Plane and passed around a flask (I didn't partake, but I like to give myself a little bit of an edge because my morality at this point comes across as boring.) I've seen The Room. I own way too many Mystery Science Theater box sets to think that I'm above watching things ironically. But we need to stop thinking that the new ironic movie had transcended because --BECAUSE --you guys gave me such hope! I thought that this was going to be the movie that got it. I thought it was going to be the movie that didn't rest on its laurels. I mean, the movie brings an insane premise. To a certain extent, there are elements that deliver. But this movie needed to be as coked up as the bear was. I think The Meg 2 is going to do that if I can base anything off of the trailer. But there's a real tight leash on this movie. There's studio money going into this and someone is sticking their neck out for the sake of the movie. But that's not good for something like Cocaine Bear. It's funny that these movies exist, you know? I should just be thrilled about that. There was a time where there was nothing ironic about animal attack movies. Think about it. Jaws is still considered a classic today. But I think that these movies need to be ironic today. Maybe because it's that we use Jaws as a template. Listen, I love Jaws. It delights me to no end. But by today's standards, that movie is a crawler. But one thing that Jaws managed to pull of that no movie has really even attempted, shy of Jurassic Park by the same dude, is the animal attack masterpiece. In terms of Cocaine Bear, which established early on that this was meant to be hilarious, there isn't a huge body count in this movie. (Oh, maybe Cujo was an attempt, but didn't quite transcend.) Part of it comes from the notion that we both want to see the animal immediately and kind of get bored by the animal. Jaws never shows you the shark for the majority of the movie. It's something "out there". Something that your imagination has built into the unfathomable. The bear in Cocaine Bear is in the first minutes of the movie. That's because the movie is ironic. The irony of the movie has to embrace the only salvagable parts of things like Sharknado and make you feel like you are on cocaine. (I genuinely have no idea what any drug is like, so be aware that any reference to rebel culture is just posturing by an English teacher with a film blog.) But again, this is where wishy-washy is the enemy of genius. This movie had two choices: artful and nuanced like Jaws or an-insane-mess like Shoot 'Em Up, a movie that I really need to watch again. Trying to live in both worlds only dilutes both options and that's what we get with Cocaine Bear. It's not to say that the movie is bad. I had fun with it for what it was. The movie is a fun movie. But I'm blaming everyone for making it their favorite movie ever. I have no problem with an insane and fun movie being people's favorite movies. I know that I'm the snobbiest dude that ever existed, but I can appreciate a good time at the movie theater. My biggest problem is that people like saying that Cocaine Bear is their favorite movie. There's no way, right? It's just a fun survival movie that's a little cheeky. That's it. Can I tell you the most bananas thing about the movie? I've gone on long tirades about how survival movies always have kids who make it through the movie. This movie doesn't break that trend. That's disappointing, but expected. (It's not that I want dead kids in movies. It's just that those kids have such plot armor and, instead of upping the stakes, lowers them.) The most insane thing is that they had these kids try drugs. Before you laugh, knowing that these kids ate drugs and the joke is that you shouldn't eat drugs if you are going to do drugs, those kids have cocaine in their systems. I don't know how that wasn't the focus of the rest of the movie. But it also exposes one really weird thing about the movie: what cocaine is in this movie. For the sake of both plot and humor, the role of cocaine is a battery. The bear in the real life encounter died almost immediately after eating cocaine, because that's how cocaine works. That's the only real thing in this movie. A bear once ate a lot of cocaine. But that's where the story ends. But in this one, the cocaine is what keeps the bear going. I mean, I kind of love that. It might be my favorite part of the movie. It kind of makes cocaine somehow this magic elixir that makes the bear spit out bullets. (The entire movie should have that kind of bananas logic. I mean, why stop at the bear? Why not have the kids become feral monsters, murdering everything in their paths?) I mean, I was waiting for those baby bears, all drizzled in sweet, sweet cocaine to start something. It was right there. But this leads to my most disappointing moment: the conclusion. The entire movie is a flee from this bear that is going to maul anything it sees. I don't know why the bear is forgiving of human children. There's a weird element to the movie where they really stress that the cocaine bear is a mother that is just trying to protect its babies. But did we forget that this bear is motivated by nonstop ingestion of cocaine? Where did that "protect the babies" thing comes from? And that's why this movie needs to define itself a little better. That conclusion was anticlimactic as could be. I thought we were going to have a massive body count at the end. Sari spends the movie trying to save her kid from the bear, who has taken her. Why it doesn't eat her doesn't make sense to me. It ate Elsa and she had zero cocaine as far as I could tell. But Sari finds Dee Dee and they leave as the bear kills Syd? Okay, they got away from the drug dealer who is the secondary antagonist. But remember how there's a cocaine bear who might kill everyone? Everyone seems so calm knowing that Syd was being eaten by the cocaine bear and its cubs. Why is that the end of the story? That bear is still full of cocaine. According to the rules of the movie, if the bear is full of cocaine, it will murder everything in sight. We saw that with the EMTs. We saw that with Margot Martindale (who wins MVP for the movie, by the way). Why do they think that they're in the clear? How is there not a showdown between Sari and the bear? That's the movie. Right there. Instead, they just walk away from the bear? No. Anti-climax. So I'm left thinking that Cocaine Bear is just another movie. It's Rise of Skywalkering me. Yeah, I said it. This movie is fine and it needs to be either amazing or terrible. It's neither. Instead, I can just say that I saw it, which is not where I want to land on Cocaine Bear. Also, I feel like I've been misspelling "cocaine" this whole time. I'm pretty sure I haven't. Either way. This movie needs more in one direction or another. |
Film is great. It can challenge us. It can entertain us. It can puzzle us. It can awaken us.
AuthorMr. H has watched an upsetting amount of movies. They bring him a level of joy that few things have achieved. Archives
February 2025
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