Zatoichi's Conspiracy (1973)

Not rated.  It's weird to call this one tame after some of the later entries that decided to push the limit a bit.  While there isn't nudity and the gore isn't excessive, the few times that the gore decides to be involved, it's mildy gross.  There are some limbs that are lost with some very paint-y blood on said limbs.  Again, there's Zatoichi appropriate death.  But in terms of really making anything that might be questionable, this movie kind of strays away from it.  I suppose the commentary that the gang of rogues has a leader who sleeps with her prey is something.  Still, this is more in innuendo than outright showing anything.

DIRECTOR:  Kimiyoshi Yasuda

I'm such a ridiculous human being.  I want to be playing video games.  I want to be relaxing. I also know that tomorrow might be too stressful to write this, so I'm knocking this one out as quickly as I can.  This should be my last Zatoichi viewing.  It's been at least the better part of a decade watching these Zatoichi movies.  Heck, I can probably attest that I've been watching these movies for 13 years.  Man, that is a bad track record.  25 movies in 13 years.  I should be able to knock out more than two per year.  I did take a whole bunch of years off from watching these, so that's on me.  But now that I've finally finished watching them, that means I'm done writing about Zatoichi, right?

Nope.  See, I started watching these movies before I started the blog.  So that means, because I'm obsessed with having whole collections on the blog, I'm going to have to start the franchise over.  It's okay.  I think I have most of them done.  Maybe I have four-to-six more movies to watch in this franchise so I can put it to bed.  I know.  I own these movies.  I should be excited to watch them again one day.  While I probably won't sell the box set any time soon, I do have to point out the major flaw of this box set:  So many of these Zatoichi movies are basically the same.  If you read every single Zatoichi blog I've written, the majority of them focus on them being basically same-old-same-old.  The way that Criterion dances around this is that it is a celebration of serialized storytelling.  But I've absorbed so much media.  I like serialized storytelling.  I also know that you can do incredible things with long-form storytelling.  I don't think that Zatoichi is necessarily effective long-form storytelling.

There are some real gems in there.  I wish I could tell you the names of these movies, but Zatoichi movies aren't most memorably named.  And the reason that they are more impressive than others is that they choose to do something different with the conceit that is planted in that first episode. I don't think I have to harp on that whole concept too much, especially considering that this is a blog technically about Zatoichi's Conspiracy (another entry that has almost nothing to do with the plot, considering that there isn't a conspiracy in this movie).  But the final entry in the series (which is technically not the end of Zatoichi, considering that the films were quasi-remade in television format for 100 episodes) is very appropriate considering that it embraces the problems of the franchise wholeheartedly.

Zatoichi's Conspiracy isn't terrible.  If anything, it's pure, uncut Zatoichi (no pun intended).  It has learned from the mistakes of some of those earlier and middle entries in the series and presents a Zatoichi tale without complication.  It's simple almost to a fault.  It only really has one plot line.  We know who the good guy is.  We know who the bad guy is.  There isn't much to unpack when it comes to presenting this character in his final film.  I'll even give the movie some points by returning Zatoichi to his home town, that he's been avoiding for 24 films.  That's a smart move.  It gives us a sense that this is the last film.

But that's the only thing that makes the movie a last film.  Okay, that isn't quite accurate.  The reason that Zatoichi's Conspiracy is less than good is the fact that it is just a distillation of all of the other films.  The worst of the Zatoichi films are ones that center around the following ideas: Zatoichi goes to a town where few people know who he is.  There's a big bad greedy boss who runs a gambling estblishment.  Zatoichi makes his presence known through said gambling establishment where he's good at identifying cheats at dice.  He falls in love.  He kills the bad guy and moves on.  That's this story.  That's this story and Conspiracy doesn't even try to hide it.  There have been entries that have followed that formula with at least an attempt to cover up the fact that they're just reusing the old stories.  Not so much.  I'm going to even say that the film decides to nerf the impact of Zatoichi's return home.  

If returning home is something that is something of an anathema to Zatoichi, there have to be rewards and consequences.  I don't hate the idea that Zatoichi arriving at his home after all of this time can be chalked up to fate.  After all, if one of the central conceits is being a nomad, it would take something mighty powerful for him to make the choice to return home.  And since this movie is so focused on bringing Zatoichi full-circle, back to the place that started it all, fate makes sense.  But fate also is a bit lazy, isn't it?  I mean, if the screenwriters actually gave him a motivation to return home outside just "arriving there", that means that the film couldn't depend on the old formula.

I'm (unfortunately) reminded about Die Another Day, the only canonical James Bond film I actively dislike.  (I'm not the biggest fan of Licence to Kill, but I keep on giving it other chances.)  Die Another Day was the 20th Bond film on the 40th anniversary of the franchise.  And in an attempt to bring the whole thing full-circle, they put references to every other James Bond movie in one film.  And the thing that suffered is the fact that nothing felt like it meant anything.  Nothing really means anything in this movie.  It's so close to the book that it has nothing.  Nothing.  I didn't even care about the relationship between Zatoichi and Miyo.  

Side note:  Miyo and Zatoichi is a choice.  Maybe it's a culture thing, but tying the relationship together based on the fact that they were both breastfed by the same woman?  It seems like it's playing up the fact that they were closer to siblings than relationship.  Heck, maybe the movie wanted me to think that the heartbreak came more from the fact that they had a familial tie than a romantic one was part of the story.  Still, don't you think that should have been made explicit.

Still, I'm glad that the last movie wasn't an abomination.  Like, I at least understood all of the beats of the movie.  Zatoichi was put in a position where he had to fight an old friend who kept on betraying him. It was a choice to absolve the morally grey choice of killing Shinbei by having him fall on a sword.  Still, it's a cool idea to have Zatoichi question killing a friend.  I wish there was more that tied these two together outside of a tenuous watermelon story. But I can't say that this last movie got me excited to know that I have to go back to the beginning and start again, just so I can complete my blog entries.  

You know the biggest confusing part for me?  I don't get why Quentin Tarantino loves these movies.  Is it just street cred?  Anyway, they're fine.  It's all...fine.