Abigail (2024)

Rated R for even more violent vampire gore.  There's a lot of blood.  There's a lot of death.  On top of that, some of these deaths get mildly creative, so you might not see them always coming.  If you are in the mindset of, "I can't handle vampire stuff", there's some nice turns of violence in here.  Also, exploding people.  That's a thing.  Couple that with language and conversations about drugs and that's the movie Abigail for you.

DIRECTORS:  Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

I'm being greedy at this point.  There's no way that I'm going to get THIS much writing in one day.  I told myself today was going to be a vacation from writing.  Then I go off and write way too much.  Basically, I'm proud of myself.  Mind you, it's a borderline miracle that I got Oddity done today.  There's almost no prayer that I can get a blog on Abigail done.

I don't know why I was surprised that this movie was made by the Scream guys.  I'm going to get the point because I'm figuring out what I want to say while I'm writing this:  This is a really fun movie that is ultimately kind of forgettable.  I'm also stealing a lot of people's opinion with this one.  This is a movie that was absolutely wrecked by the marketing campaign.  This movie had the chance to be the next Prey but was spoiled that this was a vampire ballerina movie.  The fact that we all went to see it because it was a vampire ballerina is fine.  But the movie is structured under the assumption that you don't know who is causing the chaos in the house.  If I was the directors, I would be more than a little annoyed with the way that this movie was sold.  I would have made the movie completely differently if I had known that everyone knew that Abigail was the vampire in the house.  There's this record scratch moment that does not work once the reveal happens. We're all thinking it, right?  I mean, everyone who watched this movie didn't have that moment.  You can't even get close to approach this movie with the idea that Abigail isn't the vampire.  I watched it on Peacock.  The image for this movie is a vamped out Abigail. (Or maybe it is just her as a ballerina, in which case I mildly apologize. )

I think the directors might be ensemble cast people.   Man, they know how to make side characters interesting.  I'll be honest.  As much as I like the idea of a vampire ballerina ripping up a bunch of bad guys, I like the bad guys way better.  There are a handful of movies that kind of belong in their own subgenre and that is the "thieves in a pickle" movie.  You know that they aren't all going to make it out of there, but we're going to love how evil they are the entire time.  Honestly, Guardians of the Galaxy is the family friendly version of this genre of film.  I'm thinking also of movies like The Usual Suspects and Bad Times at the El Royale.  The things that make these movies fun to watch, if not completely memorable (I know, I just called The Usual Suspects unmemorable), is that each of the character fills the needs of a relatable archetype.  There's something so fun and edgy about making lovable monsters.  But as part of that, you need to have some archetypes that counter the mold.  For each Peter, you have a Frank.  You need to absolutely love Peter, who is just Drax by the way.  But you need to absolutely hate Frank in the process.  

And then we have Joey.  It's weird how bored I get with Joey characters.  Joey characters, in a weird way, ask us to give more sympathy than is actually deserved.  Maybe it's the former Republican in me, but Joey --and Joey types --are criminals.  They're just nicer criminals than the rest.  There's a tragic story, often involving a child.  There's always a little bit of hope.  I think the same origin story exists with Don't Breathe.  That kid exists almost exclusively on a phone in both stories.  They aren't characters.  They are there for sympathetic motivation.  We're not supposed to hate Joey.  She's the final girl.  She has this skill that got her into a lot of trouble at one point and now she's on her redemption quest.  But there's something so dull about that.  Maybe I'm just jaded at this point, but I honestly wanted Abigail to win.  Let's break that down and see what's wrong with me.

Part of what makes Abigail kind of a compelling villain is the fact that she is not a child.  She looks like a child, very much like Let the Right One In.  But she's a psychopath who will never age.  She has the power of a vampire and the skill of the most experienced ballerina of all time.  Sure, there's something satisfying about Abigail fighting Frank and Frank having the upper hand.  I can justify that in my brain.  But she makes a deal with Joey to defeat Frank, mainly because she's concerned for her own life.  See, I want Abigail to betray Joey so bad.  I don't need the other Downton Abbey actor to show up as the behind-the-curtains big bad.  That does absolutely nothing for me.  I want to be scared of Abigail.  If anything, there's something that is nerfed about Abigail in the final act of this movie.

See, the implication is that Abigail has done this over and over again.  Every choice in the film is all chalked up to Abigail playing with her food.  This is her master plan and everyone has gotten as close to defeating Abigail as Joey and Frank have.  But things quickly spiral out of control for Abigail, which makes me not fear her as much.  Yeah, we all want to see Frank explode.  It's worth it.  It gives it to you and it's everything you wanted it to be.  But I don't want the get out of jail free card for Joey.  I want the exhausted Joey to pull a Sarah Connor and fight through desperation to beat this girl.  Or, even better?  Abigail not following the rules.  The entire movie is about the fact that she completely lacks a moral compass.  There's no code for her.  After all, she does lie to Frank about And Then There Were None as a means to get out of the library.  The only reason that the door opens is because Lambert wants to betray Abigail.  (Again, why not take care of Abigail when she's incapacitated at the beginning of the film?) 

Perhaps the most frustrating part of the movie is Joey's insistence on keeping Abigail alive.  Part of me wants to tie back to the pinkie swear.  (Note:  I think that the movie forgets its own rules about how old Abigail is because it calls back the pinkie promise.) As much as Joey's archetype is the regretful mother, she's also perhaps the most practical person in the film.  The notion that she has been deceived is a powerful motivator to get rid of Abigail.  I'd also like to note that, despite Joey being the protagonist of the film, she's horribly wrong about her plan to incarcerate Abigail.  Again, this is all a game for Abigail.  The only reason that she's in the elevator as long as she is is chalked up to see if she can get the squad to turn on each other.  It's just a little bit of a weak choice to me.

But if you are watching Abigail for fun --which is not a terrible motivator --this movie is pretty darned fun.  Again, a lot of it comes down to just watching this girl rip apart this crew as their stuck in a bottle episode.  Yeah, that's a good time.  They don't all need to be genius.  Did I enjoy Abigail?  Yeah, but I will not be able to name a detail of this movie down the line.  That's okay sometimes though.